The Next Chapter

Tomorrow is a turning point milestone for our family. A page in our lives is being turned to reveal a new chapter of a story that began 18 years, 7 months, and 22 days ago, but who's counting? My baby is moving out and starting college life. Not my youngest, but my first-born baby; the answered prayer, the little miracle boy, the blessing that everyone waited for. The little punkin-face that we spent many nights in the hospital with while he was under the bilirubin lights, attached to wires, and gavage tube feeding. He wanted to come 5 weeks too early, but we made him wait another week in-utero. With a sleep-deprived mother still in pain from the c-section, we got to take him home after he had gained enough weight and had learned to nurse on his own. I was completely in love with this precious baby we had created. Over-protective? Oh yes.

Ethan continued to thrive and grow. We survived the 'witching-hour' when he would cry uncontrollably between 5-7 pm. That passed. The upper respiratory illnesses, one of which gave us a scare and landed him in the Children's Hospital over his 1st birthday with croup. Again, mom slept on the couch next to his bed in the hospital and endured sleep deprivation again. He endured ear infections and eventually 4 sets of ear tubes and a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy. This little boy had many illnesses to endure but he continued to be a happy, playful boy.

The first 3 years my Ethan and I were two peas in a pod, spending the days together, attending Early Childhood Development classes together to play and learn, going on play dates to the parks with other moms. He was obsessed with cars, memorizing all 63 of the GM models in the car catalog we received in the mail. He played endlessly with his matchbox cars. Sesame Street, Barney, Arnold the aardvark, Magic Schoolbus. Playdoh, finger painting, bubbles, sand, glue, glitter. This is what our days were made of. Priceless.

At almost 3 years old Ethan had to learn to share his mom. His baby brother was born. He quickly learned what was safe or not safe around the baby. He had to share toys, time, and attention. Preschool, learning the alpahabet, late night story-time, moving to a big-boy bed, and holding his hand while he fell asleep. Yes, he had mom wrapped around his little finger.

As he climbed aboard the big yellow school bus for kindergarten, I laughed and waved as this little boy with the big backpack climbed up the stairs, turned around and waved. I was letting him go for the first time. Tears welled-up in my eyes. I had no control over his environment at this point. He was entering the school system. So proud and so happy, yet bittersweet. My boy wasn't a baby anymore.

Soccer, hockey, basketball, baseball, football, track, he tried them all, and his dad and I tried to attend every game and cheer him on the sidelines. Cub Scouts brought camping, meetings, patches and pins, field trips, good times and learning experiences. In 1st grade Ethan wanted a puppy more than anything. Our visit to Last  Hope pet adoption day brought Brownie into our lives. He and Austin loved him like a little brother, and Brownie loved them back for the next 12 years.Spelling bees, essays, crossing guard, trombone, sleep-overs, birthday parties, summer camps. Grade school came and went in a flash. Friendships came and went just like the funny expressions and silly words they made up.

Middle school brought music, concerts, and drumming. New friends, Xbox and the computer. "Hanging out" instead of play dates, more serious parent-teacher conferences, and more rules and a memorable 8th grade summer trip to Washington D.C. More independence brought more consequences to learn from. Studying wasn't 'cool'. Early mornings during the week meant sleeping in on the weekends and staying up late with friends. Mom and dad certainly weren't cool anymore and we didn't know anything. I still remember the school principal telling the parents at the first meeting that your child will become an alien. You will not know who they are during the middle school years. Try to ignore most of what they say and don't take it personally. Keep firm rules but loosen the leash. That was so true. Hormones change their personality for a while, but they eventually grow into the person they were meant to be. It takes patience and tolerance during the middle school years.

Entering high school was like the end of an era and the beginning of adulthood. Harder classes and more responsibility, trying to fit in with the right group of friends, figuring out what sport or activity was a right fit. Bonfires, football games, dances. More overnighters. The most challenging times are the ones where you have to let go of your child and trust that they will use their good judgement, knowing that they will test the boundaries first. Expecting there will be some bumps in the road. First car, first road trips, first discussion with a police officer, arguments about getting a summer job. All were par for the course. He survived. Boy Scouts gave him the opportunity to go on adventure trips that also molded him. The Boundary Waters Canoe trip, and the Philmont, New Mexico hiking trip both saw him come home a changed person. He also made his own decisions to do his own thing and not continue with scouts. As a parent who can see the value in scouting, I also saw the value in him making his own decisions and realizing that path is not for everyone. Nontheless the experiences he had were invaluable. Watching him flourish as a drummer was the proudest moment. His daily drum sessions at home, and then practicing with is friends eventually led him to joining a band. I had great pleasure watching them perform and use their talents for the 2 years they were together. It was also time for Ethan to move on when he decided to go to college and knew it was time to leave the band.

Ethan excelled his senior year. He was determined to raise his GPA for college. After applying and visiting his 3 favorite state colleges we were excited for him to be accepted at St. Cloud. It was an answered prayer. He lived in the moment from one day to the next, but it was time to think about his future. It was time to become an adult. Ethan took his senior year very seriously. Not only his studies but his relationships with friends. He wanted to spend more time with his buddies and make memories. He knew this time was fleeting. Watching him and his friends cross the stage to receive their diplomas was surreal. I had watched these young men and women grow up since I had known them as babies and preschoolers or grade schoolers. Was it really time to let them go out into the world alone?

Ordering books, buying bed sheets, towels, mini refrigerator, texting his soon-to-be roommate. It's been a busy summer preparing for the next chapter. I have no idea what emotions to expect. As a mother I see this baby, this little boy, holding my hand and wanting me to read to him, snuggling in bed, tickling his face. Now he's a man with whiskers, who doesn't want to hug his mom but pushes her buttons to get her to tell him how much she loves him. It's an emotional power struggle. A boy, yet a man. He does, but he doesn't want mom around. On these last few days before we make the trip to St. Cloud there are laundry lessons, money lessons, discussions about college life, transportation, dorm living, classes. Ethan reminds me, "mom, I'm moving out in 2 days. Hey mom, I'm moving out in 2 days. Are you gonna miss me? Are you gonna cry?" He already knows the answer. He just wants reassurance that he will be missed.

Am I nervous? A little. Proud? Oh ya. One thing I do know for sure; there is no greater experience than giving birth to your child, teaching them and raising them the best way you know how and watching them bloom and flourish into the person they were created to become. I believe in destiny and I believe that God has a plan for each of us. With the right direction and support we eventually take the path God has laid out for us. There is no greater joy than to have this child given to you for these short 18 years to help mold them, create them, all with God's help. They are only loaned to us and we give them back. With our continued support and guidance, they are in God's hands now. I do know for sure that my son has his moral standards and Christian values in place. He has made up his mind to do certain things and to not do certain things. He knows that he can do anything he sets his mind to, and he knows he has a family and a God that love him unconditionally and will only be a phone call or a prayer away. That is confidence and faith in action.

As we drive down the road tomorrow, vehicle packed with is belongings, I'm sure we will get more 'mom time'. I will savor every word and moment. It is only a new chapter for him, and for me. I look forward to unfolding the continuing story. I will expect challenges, I will expect joy. Such is life.