It's Good Friday. Typically a day of reflection filled with sadness, remembering how our Christ was tortured and crucified for our sakes. A perfect lamb taken to slaughter as an atonement for our sins. Yet this day for me is filled with hope. Hope is knowing that on Easter morning our Christ will rise from the dead as he promised, knowing that he conquered death for us and the promise that he will do the same for us through our faith. Hope. Hope can be the difference between health or illness, happiness or sadness, life or death. Hope is a powerful thing.

Five years ago I had just received the news that no one wants to hear, "you have cancer." The previous week, on Easter day, I had to spend the weekend with my mother as well as the Koepsell family, knowing that I needed a biopsy the next week. My mind was full of questions, uneasiness, fear, and hope. I could not tell them anything yet. It felt like I was holding back a huge secret that I could not share. My heart ached. I needed to wait until I knew for sure before I caused them any worry. That following Friday I got the dreaded phone call. Friday the 13th of April. How ironic. My mind kicked into 'business gear'. "Ok, let's take care of business. What do we do next." I didn't have time to worry. I just wanted it out of me and make it go away.

Then faith  kicks in high gear. 'Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.' Hebrews 11:1. This is a 'get on your knees and pray' moment. When something is completely out of your control and in someone else's hands. You give complete control over to God and say "Here. I can't handle this. You need to do this one for me."  God takes the lowest moment of your life to lift you up. The get-on-your-knees moments. When you give your trust and control over to God, that's when things start to happen. Coming to the realization that He has an overall plan, but we cannot see the big picture, then you know His will be done. No matter what, He will do things His way to benefit you and your loved ones. It may not seem like it at the moment, but it's all part of the learning process to ripen our spirit. Our faith grows. Our appreciation grows. Our love grows. Our hope grows.

Hope. During my times of prayer I felt enveloped in peace and love. My worries melted away. It's almost as if I heard Jesus whisper, "Have faith my child. You are in my hands. Everything is fine." I felt this inner voice telling me "God is not done with you yet! You have a lot more to learn." Hope. Just knowing I was in His care  gave me hope. Just knowing that God has a purpose and a plan for my life and the lives of my family gave me hope. Knowing that no matter what we ask for, He will continue his will. My prayer from then on out was, "According to your will Lord. According to your will. Your will be done. If you want me to learn something from this, then use this time to teach me. Mold me. Help me. Walk with me. And if you need me there with you, I will go with open arms. According to your will."

I am approaching May 1st, the anniversary of my lumpectomy. I call that day the beginning of 'cancer free' even though I had 2 months of daily radiation following. May day is like my Easter Day. It is a celebration day to celebrate new life. Since then I have had an incredible journey learning about myself and about life. It's had it's ups and downs, but I continue to be led by my spirit and the Holy Spirit. I have dedicated my life to live according to His will for me. If I am met with a challenge, I know it has a purpose. If I am met with happiness, I welcome his blessings. I speak my mind when needed, I tell my friends and family and dog how much I love and appreciate them, I want to help others, teach others, and be Christ's hands and feet. Do I still need ripening? Oh ya. I make mistakes. But I don't see them as mistakes anymore. I see them as learning experiences.

Good Friday gives me hope. Even through Christ's torture and suffering and death on the cross, we have the hope that he will rise on Easter morning to conquer death. It's a new beginning. A new relationship with God. A promise. John 3:16- "For God gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." This gives my heart hope and a cause for celebration, to celebrate this gift of life that He has given us.

 Have you been on your knees yet? What are you waiting for? It could change your life.